There are so many things I could write here. So many bible verses, so many song lyrics, so many emotion-filled paragraphs.
Losing messiah was awful. When I look at my girls, I am constantly reminded how we could have 6 more beautiful baby girls here with us. Hannah and Hope take our breath away every day. 7 more of them? My heart can hardly take it.
We prayed, we begged, we cried for messiah to have life. At first glance, it seems like those prayers were not answered. But … they were. God gave messiah life. For a few hours, those girls lived. But, not only did the Almighty give messiah life, He gave us life. Oh, how He has given us life! We have been brought from one degree of glory to the next (2 Corinthians 3:18). Chains have been broken (Psalm 116:16). We have been set free (Galatians 5:1).
As the weeks passed after Mercy, Evelyn, Shiloh, Sage, Aspen, and Honor’s birth and death, my heart ached more to carry a child. I walked with much fear and trembling before our God, and made many groanings to Him that were too deep for words (Romans 8:26).
In this time, my heart has grown to known the goodness of the King like I have never known before. Lurking accusations that I deserved this pain, that He wasn’t fully pleased with me, that this pain was punitive discipline (somehow slipping through my right knowledge of His steadfast mercy and love) have been put to death (Romans 8:13). I do not claim perfection by any means. But God has and continues to gently show me that my sins are washed away. The result was not a consequence of them.
Tears come easily now when I am reminded of the cross. When I ponder Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection, I just cry. He chose to love me, and so I love Him (1 John 4:19). He is not angry with me. I have been redeemed. I have been restored to my Father ONLY because of His great love for me. I didn’t earn this, and so I can’t lose it. It is ALL mercy. It is ALL grace.
This gift is not the prize. The prize has been the journey, not a particular destination. The glory has been a heart full with all the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:19). This gift is one of pure mercy and grace from our Father who knows what we need when we need it (Matthew 7:11, 8:32). This gift is a reflection of our Redeemer who gives ultimate redemption and restoration to those who repent and believe (Mark 1:15).
This gift is a gracious, glorious, and grand reminder that God is ... who He says He is.