Isaac

 Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?

Job 2:10

The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.

 Job 1:20-21

You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful.

James 5:11

12 Weeks

 

I am currently 12 weeks pregnant (my weeks flip on Tuesdays). We are so thankful to make it to the end of the first trimester and to the beginning of the second. We had an important doctors appointment on Tuesday with Maternal Fetal Medicine.

Waiting to be called...

An ultrasound technician who we met for the first time performed the ultrasound. She was very sweet and has been in practice for over 25 years. Kim and Kasey accompanied us to provide support and prayer. I always get nervous before each ultrasound. There is no telling what will pop up on the screen. While I have had no bleeding or other worrisome signs/symptoms, having 7 babies in your womb is uncharted territory. The doctors admit that they just don't know a lot of the answers.

The technician started the ultrasound and remained quiet while she examined the babies and found her orientation. It seemed like forever that she didn't say anything. I finally asked her how many she saw. She replied "7". I then asked how many heartbeats she picked up. She replied "6". My heart sank.

The ultrasound continued for at least an hour. The whole time I hoped she was wrong about the seventh baby. Babies A-F were perfect. They all measured on schedule and their neural tubes were completely normal. It takes a long time to get all of the necessary measurements for 6 fetuses who are moving. The ultrasound technician was very good at her job. After she finished measuring baby F, she moved to baby G.

Baby A

 

Baby B

 

Baby C

 

Baby D

Baby E

Baby F

Baby G was clearly no longer living. While he/she looked like the others, it was smaller and had no flicker at the chest or body movement. He/she was positioned in the middle of all the babies (like the center of a honeycomb). We wept. Sweet baby. I loved him/her so much. I just wanted it to start moving ... for its heart to start beating again. It didn't. She asked if I wanted a picture, I said absolutely. This baby was moving and had a heartbeat just one week ago.

After the ultrasound, the doctor came in. He was very sensitive to our loss and told us that couples who lose one of multiple babies experience the same grieving experience as couples who lose their only. We validate that wholeheartedly.

The rest of the appointment was positive. My uterus is measuring at 20 weeks of gestation...wow. My cervix is long and strong. The doc agreed with us that a good goal to "shoot" for is 32 weeks in order for the babies to have the best chance at immediate health. 23-24 weeks is the earliest I can deliver, but even then the babies will have just a 10% chance of survival, not to mention a very high risk of developmental disabilities. All of the doctors agree that I will start to go into labor when my uterus has just "had it". If it is true labor, they might be able to hold me off a day or two with medication. So, while we are shooting for 32 weeks personally,  it is all in God's hands.

We are reminded by the loss of baby G of how great our God is and how small we are.

Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?

Mark 4:37

We are reminded by the loss of baby G that God alone is the author and taker of life. 

The Lord kills and brings to life; he brings down to Sheol and raises up.

1 Samuel 2:6

We  bless, and do not curse God for this. He is good. He works for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). He is able to bring back baby G in an instant, if He so desires. We trust that God took baby G for a good purpose, whether that be to spare him/her from much suffering because of poor chromosomes, to give the others a better chance to survive, to draw us and others who hear this story closer to Himself ... or all of the above plus other reasons which we will not know until Glory. 

We have named baby G "Issac", after the sacrifice that Abraham was willing to make in order to obey God. Perhaps Issac was a sacrifice for the others. We are doing our best to obey God in all of this. We cannot wait to see this sweet child in heaven, where there is no pain or suffering and where the Glory of God shines so brightly...

Issac Joseph Justice

 

Behold, I send an angel before you to guard you on the way and to bring you to the place that I have prepared.

Exodus 23:20