After my last run, per the doctor's orders. 14 weeks pregnant.
The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.
Psalm 138:8
I posted on Facebook today that this verse is my earnest cry. With tears I plead this prayer to God every morning, noon, and night.
Words cannot express what is going on inside of me. I am getting bigger ... fast. I have no control over how big or fast I grow. I have no control over when I will go into labor. My life and the lives of my children are completely at the mercy of God Almighty.
I asked my doctor yesterday how in the world I will not go into labor when my uterus reaches the same size as it was when it "ejected" the girls. He was quiet. He knew I knew the answer. I said, " just a miracle, huh?" He replied "nothing short of it".
"I am who I am." (Exodus 33:19)
"I have mercy on whom I have
mercy." (Romans 9:15)
This is God's glory, His name.
This is what it means to be
God.
God doesn't owe me anything. He will be no less GLORIOUS or GOOD or HOLY if He takes these children before I desire. God will be no less GREAT if He takes me in the process. God is RIGHTEOUS. He is unwaveringly committed to always upholding and displaying the infinite value of His Glory and His Name. This is why He had to send His Son to die. If He didn't, His "passing over of former sins" (Romans 3:25b, the greatest sentence in all of the Bible), would belittle His Glory. God had to vindicate it. Jesus had to die.
So, we pray. We petition. We plead with tears again, and again, and again.
God will do what He wants to do.
Oh, how it makes me worship Him all the more.