They shall be my people, and I will be their God. I will give them one heart and one way, that they may fear me forever, for their own good and the good of their children after them. I will make with them an everlasting covenant, that I will not turn away from doing good to them. And I will put the fear of me in their hearts, that they may not turn from me. I will rejoice in doing them good, and I will plant them in this land in faithfulness, with all my heart and all my soul.
Jeremiah 32:38-41
I am currently 18 weeks pregnant. Things have begun to "hurt" since this past Labor Day weekend. My pelvis took a turn for the worse, and is beginning to separate. This process will only worsen as the babies grow. Load is now exceeding capacity and my body will deal with it as it will. Moreover, babies A, B, and C are stacked on top of one another along my right side. Therefore, the pain under my right rib cage is excruciating at times. Nothing really relieves the pressure or the pain...it takes just the right position when sitting or lying to not "feel" anything. Standing is my best bet, but my belly is growing so rapidly that by back can't take it for long.
We had our 18 week ultrasound today at Maternal Fetal Medicine. Becky, our favorite lady, did the job. She rocks. Each baby girl is PERFECT. It is just incredible. Praise God, O Praise Him.
Baby A at 16 Weeks and 18 Weeks
Baby B at 16 Weeks and 18 Weeks
Baby C at 16 Weeks and 18 Weeks
Baby D at 16 Weeks and 18 Weeks
Baby E at 16 Weeks and 18 Weeks
*Baby E is nicknamed "the queen". She has the most room and weighs the most at 8 oz (the rest are around 7 oz).
Baby F at 16 Weeks and 18 Weeks
If you can't believe they are all girls...they all have a picture of THIS :)
Cool pic of Baby D at 18 Weeks
Babies B and C knockin' noggins!
That is the good news. Here is the harder news. The news that brought us to our knees...and it all makes sense according to what my body is going through.
My cervix is 1 total centimeter shorter than it was 2 weeks ago. Up until this point, my cervix was 4 cm "long and strong". This always made the doctors the "most" happy. You could see concern on Dr. S's face. The cervix is basically the "plug" to the "drain." Once it shortens all the way, you begin to "dilate". Once dilation begins, labor is in full effect. We do not want shortening. We do not want dilation. We do not want labor.
These girls need AT LEAST 6 more weeks to have a chance to survive. 10 more weeks for a real chance to thrive. 14 more weeks to reach our prayer request and "goal".
I will go back to MFM early next week. They need to keep a close eye on me. If my cervix reaches 2.5 cm, the only thing they can do is insert a pessary. They used to do cerclage and progesterone to help with premature cervical shortening. Now, they have found, pessaries are most effective. Again, there is NO research for my situation. There is hardly any scientific evidence for the effectiveness of pessaries to postpone premature labor in twins. But anecdotally (which is not how science concludes anything), pessaries MAY help.
They will not put me on bed rest, ever. They know now that it does more harm than good. I cannot do anything or not do anything to help my cervix stay strong. It all depends on the growth of the babies, the expansion of my uterus, and how much my body will take. Which all depends on ... God alone.
So. Here we are. Totally helpless. Completely in awe at the health of our girls and the entirety of this story. Desperate for my cervix to stay at 3 centimeters. Willing to do anything to save our babies and see them on this side of eternity.
A big part of me wonders if this is all too good to be true. We are so unworthy to receive this gift. God will be glorified OR God will be glorified. We are His, and we exist for Him. He does not exist for us. Struggle and pain produce the most sanctified disciples of Jesus. Paul says it time and time again:
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
1 Corinthians 12:9-11
For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.
Philippians 1:21
Why would God spare us from losing these babies? We certainly don't deserve such an incredible gift.
Our flesh is so weak. Although we try to do everything to protect our hearts from assuming ANYTHING on this journey, we fail. I already had Steve move a crib up to the third floor. We have entertained thoughts of having 8 girls. I peeked at some nursery items that we might need. These things are not inherently evil but are things that we try to avoid doing for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. (Matthew 6:34)
We must preach to ourselves, morning, noon, and night TRUTH. Everything in our nature goes against what is true and good and right. This is why the Gospel of Jesus Christ is so beautiful. It is so outstanding that it HAS to be true. Grace. Faith. Not works. Not law. Not "me centered".
The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ
Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost.
I Timothy 1:15
In Him we hope. In Him we trust. Of Him we fear.
We tremble at how fragile we are and how dependent we are on grace, and how crucial our authenticity is and how urgent it is that we prove real in our behavior.
God is faithful.
God will keep us faithful until the end.
Please pray for us. Please pray that God keep my cervix strong. Please pray that, above all, God be glorified and that we keep Him as our utmost treasure and greatest object of our affection.
