But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation, my God will hear me.
Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me.
I will bear the indignation of the Lord because I have sinned against him, until he pleads my cause and executes judgment for me.
He will bring me out to the light; I shall look upon his vindication.
Micah 7:7-9
I have sinned
against God! And I will not try to defend myself or in any way
lessen my guilt. I will bear the indignation of the Lord. He has
every right to be angry with me. I put my hand upon my mouth and my
back to the rod. For I have sinned against the Lord of glory, and I
am ashamed.
But this very God—this very same angry God—will soon plead my cause, he will take my side and vindicate me,
and so I am bold in his grace.
Broken under his indignation, bold in his grace.
Broken under his indignation, bold in his grace.
Before this year, I felt that I couldn't live this way—keeping these two things so close together.
If I thought of God as angry with me, I collapsed in despair. If I thought of God as gracious to me, then I felt that there was no place for
brokenness and remorse. And so, until 2014, I separated what the
Bible keeps together.
If God gave me anything (and He gave me everything) in 2014 it is this:
When (not if) I sin, l must accept the indignation of God and do not
deny or hide myself from it. But not only that: when I sin, I must be bold and believe that this very God will plead my
cause and vindicate me in justice. All of this is true for me only because, by His grace and mercy alone, I have put my faith in His Son, Jesus.
Through my experience of God in 2014, I have embraced the truth of keeping together what God has joined—brokenness and boldness.
*Credit to John Piper's Sermon, When I Fall, I Will Rise (1998) for the ability to articulate my heart with the words above.
Thank you, Lord, for this incredible gift!
I don't know what 2015 holds for us. Isn't that great? Who wants to serve a God that is predictable? I don't want to put my hope in the future. I will heed CS Lewis' advice ...
He does not want men to give the Future their hearts, to place their treasure in it. We do.
-Screwtape (aka, satan)
Some people have wished us an "easier" year. Ehhh ... that's okay. Life is too short for ease.
We have specific prayers, both for our family and for others. But beneath those prayers ... before those prayers ... we ask God (like Solomon did) for wisdom and understanding of WHAT to pray for. Oh how I need to know what to pray for!
If God gives me any more brokenness and any more boldness in 2015, as I see He has now in every year since I have known Him, 2015 will be a "success".
Thats it.
I pray that in 2015, we get ... just ... more of ... Him.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Psalm 73: 25-26
