We just returned from Hannah's dentist appointment. We were in the exact same chair as we were 6 months ago. While Hannah was getting checked out by the "boy" dentist, Dr. M came to say hello. As I was trying to control the firecracker that is Hope and schedule Hannah's next appointment (which may I add is a worthless endeavor), Dr. M interjected that she probably wouldn't be there in October. I looked up from my phone in amazement. She gave me a bug hug. Dr. M is pregnant. DR M IS PREGNANT! Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow!
I am TRULY overjoyed for Dr. M. My heart swells with thanksgiving to our Father who is FAITHFUL. Every night that I prayed for her, I was tormented with doubts that my prayers would not be answered in the specific ways I asked. But the Spirit kept leading me to plead, so I did. But why? Why do we pray? John Piper helped remind me a few days ago of WHY we should KEEP on praying:
We pray because God tells us to.(James 5:16, 1 Thessalonians 5:17, Luke 22:40, Luke 18:1, Luke 6:28, Matthew 6:9)
We pray because it increases our joy. (John 16:24)
We pray because it is an AWESOME privilege to commune with God who has NO needs. (Romans 11:34-36)
We pray because God has ordained to make our prayers REAL causes of REAL events. (James 4:2)
We pray because prayer GLORIFIES the Father and the Son. (John 14:13, 2 Corinthians 1:11, Psalm 50:15)
So here we are. We have been praying for Dr. M. We have also been praying for us. There remains a holy discontentment in our hearts that our family is not yet complete. We long for my body to be healed. We long to adopt.
This walk with God has transformed my mind in ways that only He can do. More children is not the prize ... but yet the desire remains. We hear from Him that we should keep asking. But why? Why God? Why subject ourselves to such pain, if You don't answer, "yes"? Piper helps to remind me again:
The first and overarching thing that we are told by Jesus to ask God to do is that God would exercise his jealousy for his name. That God would display the greatness of God. That God would make much of God. That God would overcome blindness to seeing God. That God would overcome indifference to God. That God would remove obstacles to knowing and admiring and loving and trusting and treasuring and obeying God.
When we pray, like we did for Dr. M, like we do for others, and like Jesus did (Luke 22:42), we pray that His will be done. We simultaneously remember the persistent widow (Luke 16:1-8), who challenges us to have much FAITH.
We don't know how God's name will be made most great in our lives. We know that we want Him to be seen as mighty in and by us. Whether giving us more children or allowing us to endure without them will bring Him MOST glory, we cannot discern. We only see a tree...or half of one. He MADE the forest.
So, we let loose our grip. We bow our heads. We stay on our knees.
Father ... be hallowed.
