Well, I didn't include in the last post that around
the time of when I found out I was pregnant, my stomach became very bloated. I
didn't really worry about it, because I thought it was a good sign of
pregnancy. The day after Steve's birthday, I went to see Dr. W (fertility) to
confirm the positive home test. My first HcG read was great: in the 1000s. The
next day, my stomach was just BAD (see pic below, ugh). So, I decided to do
some research and discovered Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS). I had
many of the symptoms, and they seemed to be getting worse. I called my doc that
evening and he actually called me right back (weird and surprising because it
was after hours and I have never actually received a call from him, but always
his nurse).
He seemed pretty concerned, but said that as long as
my urine remained clear, I was OK. He also mentioned that this combined with my
high HcG numbers could mean that there was more than one baby, but he couldn't
be sure until I was 6 weeks along. I went back the next day to check my HcG
again. It was in the 2000s, not crazy high but a good number. We were thankful.
My stomach actually got better as time progressed. We waited for the 6 week
ultrasound.
The following two weeks were bliss. We were so
thankful to God for His blessing of another child. Hannah and Hope were
ecstatic. What a season it had been of waiting, and the prize of the race was
not another child but a closer and deeper relationship with the Father and His
Son. I don't think anything could have prepared us for what happened
next.
Our 6 week ultrasound was on June 10. Dr. W explained
to us, as he did before, that I had a very small chance of twins and even
smaller chance of triplets (about 1% for the latter). I had ONE mature follicle
measuring at 21mm and two immature follicles measuring at about 15mm and 16mm
each the day before "the try". If you aren't aware, one follicle
produces one egg.
In his 30+ years of practice, Dr. W has never had a
patient have more than triplets (I don't think), because he is so conservative.
I actually experienced this to be true during my care under him. When other
doctors would tell me that I needed to start injections and really needed to
produce more mature follicles during a cycle to get pregnant, Dr. W was never
in a hurry. I sometimes wanted to kick him in the rear end, but I trusted and
respected him greatly. He is brilliant.
I don't think anything could have prepared Dr. W for
what he was about to see, either.
As Dr. W began the internal ultrasound, he started at
the right ovary. He didn't see any corpus luteums there, which we expected
since we didn't see any mature follicles there either before the
pregnancy. Then, he moved to the uterus. His first words were:
"Lindsey, we have a problem". I looked at Steve, who was holding our
girls. He gave me a strong grip with his hand. Dr. W continued: "I see no
fewer than 6 pregnancy sacs here; three sacs have yolks in them (that I can
see) and three do not. I am speechless." Speechless.
Dr. W continued to look at my left ovary. There were 3
distinct corpus luteums. He kept looking around for another 10 minutes or so
then ended the exam. I sat up, Steve held the girls tight. Sweet nurse V looked
on with the widest eyes I have ever seen. Dr. W began to speak: "I have no
idea how this happened. I am so sorry, Lindsey. If this continues, your only
option will be selective reduction. I just ... I can't explain this. I have
never, ever seen this in all my years of practice."
We talked for a good time more. I asked him for any
probable explanations. He said that maybe all 3 follicles ovulated and then
after being fertilized, split. But the chances of that happening are one in a
billion. It would take a ... miracle (my words). We continued to talk, but to
be honest I can't remember anything either of us said. It was the most surreal,
frightening, and yet glorious moments of my life. I have never felt my
smallness and God's greatness so much in my life. Dr. W ended the
conversation saying that some of my pregnancy sacs could spontaneously disappear
with time. We just had to wait until my 8-week ultrasound. I would be sent to
Maternal Fetal Medicine: the people who deal with high-risk pregnancies. They
have a high-powered ultrasound and, as Dr. W stressed, they specialize in
selective reductions.
Our vacation could not have been timed more perfectly.
God's hand was all over this. He was so faithful in the journey up until this
point, and we knew that He was not going to leave us now. We cried out to Him
in utter desperation: "HAVE YOUR WAY, LORD JESUS." We told our
closest friends who had been praying for us all along; they stood strong with
us in the fire. We escaped for a blessed 2-week get-away to Florida and Tucson.
Steve and I had a peace about telling his family,
since we all would be together, which happens (if we are lucky) once a year.
Their initial reaction was shock, understandably. We left the living room late
that night feeling love and support from the family, but yet my own insecurity
of wanting their approval reared its ugly head. The next day, the news of our
pregnancy brought the whole family to the kitchen table. There were tears,
raised voices, prayers in the Spirit ... God was so present. Over 10 years of
"stuff" came up. It was hard, painful, and scary. But He moved
mightily. Pleas were made for forgiveness on all sides. Reconciliation began.
Hallelujah! These babies had already had such a good purpose, no matter how
long God decided to give them life.
God spoke to Steve and I exceedingly on our trip.
Steve finally showed signs of fear; he had been so strong for me over the last
few weeks. We talked and talked and talked, something we can't really do with a
4 and 2-year old hanging around! I will share all that we have heard from God
at the end of this story.
We received a few calls from the maternal fetal
medicine office while we were in Arizona. I began to think that my
"news" was making its way around the Charlotte medical community. The
office asked if I could come a day earlier, because a certain doctor
wanted to see me. Once again, God's providence was incredible. We could make it
if we left Florida the same day we arrived back from Tuscon.
The travel back home was difficult with my increasing
nausea. But, we made it. We were overjoyed to be back with our girls again.
They had an awesome time with their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins
while we were away. They much enjoyed their first trip to Disney World!
On the drive home, I barely said a word. I was not feeling well at all. I did, however, muster up the energy to hand Steve my phone to take a picture of a neat mileage that we hit in Big Betty. We never knew that this picture would have a profound meaning later on.
We arrived home shortly before midnight. We all slept
very well. I woke decently early and decided to get a run in - time to clear my
head and hear from God. That is what running has always been for me. I was
slowing down, but still thankful that I could still exercise. In many ways I
felt like a ticking time-bomb; I wanted to take advantage of every day, in
every way. After breakfast, Aunt Michele and Anna Kate reported for duty. They
have been our saving grace (along with many others) countless times when we
needed help with the girls throughout the process of infertility treatment.
They knew everything about our situation and were on pins and needles to
hear about our appointment ... just as we were.
After a short wait, I was called back to the ultrasound
room. I was a bit surprised not to see the doctor first. The ultrasound
technician prepped me for my first external ultrasound in a long time. She
turned off the lights. We looked onto a 32'' flat screen TV that showed my
womb. When the screen appeared, we couldn't decipher anything we saw. The
technician stayed quiet for a moment, but it didn't take long. "I see
7", she said. 7.
I began to cry. I looked at Steve, who also began to
cry. But behind our tears were smiles. 7: the same number of our car mileage.
7: God's number for perfection and completion. The technician continued the
ultrasound, which took no shorter than 30 minutes. She identified each baby as
A, B, C, D, E, F, and G. She measured each one's size and heartbeat. All
perfect. All healthy. All have their own placentas.
I had actually been to this office before, with Hope,
because I always have to go through special prenatal screening due to Steve's
family heart history. I had also met this technician before as she reminded me.
She was an older lady, one with much experience, and one that the doctors
respect much. I asked her what was the most number of fetuses she has ever seen
was. She said 9. She said that the couple chose to selectively reduce to twins,
and then lost both of them later in the pregnancy. Dr. S came in, confirmed the
technician's findings, and called us into his office. It was time to talk.
My initial impression of Dr. S was a good one. He was
obviously very experienced and wise. As we expected, he told us that our best
option is to selectively reduce. He said the chances of me bringing 7 healthy
children into the world is a VERY small one ... almost impossible. Most likely,
the babies will be born too prematurely and not make it. There were also
serious risks for me...preeclampsia, hemorrhage, and gestational diabetes as
the most likely. After painting the very real picture we face, I asked him if
he would care for me if I did not reduce. He assured me that he would. He said
that his medical advice is selective reduction. Personally, he does not care
what we decide.
Steve and I told Dr. S that selective reduction is not
an option for us. He respects our decision and promises that it will not be
mentioned again.
As far as care going forward, Dr. S says that time
will have to run its course. Some of the babies may spontaneously reduce up to
12 weeks of gestation and not affect any of the other babies. He said it is
astonishing that they all have their own placentas. After 12 weeks, if one or
more of the babies fail to survive, I will most likely lose them all in a
spontaneous abortion.
Dr. S will monitor me more closely in the second
trimester. Bed rest will not be prescribed until my body presents an absolute need
for it. New technology has developed in Europe that can keep my cervix shut if
the need becomes real (versus sowing it shut like they have done for years).
The second trimester will be the riskiest time. If I continue to progress, I
will have to consume a ton of calories (probably around 5000/day), so that the
babies can gain enough weight. There are so many what-if's and the doctor just
does not know the things that he knows for singletons and twins. There is not
enough data available on births of more than 3. It just does not happen that
often.
We thanked Dr. S for his time and scheduled our next
appointment for July 22, when I will be 12 weeks pregnant. I talked to my
beloved OB, Dr. B the day after my appointment with Dr. S. Dr. B has knelt his
knee to Jesus Christ along with Dr. W. What a gift.
When Dr. B called, I heard a tone of concern in his
voice that I have never heard before. He said that Dr. S called him after-hours
the night before. He said that they are all in shock and don't know how this
happened. Dr. B said that he wrestled with me after talking to Dr. S. As a
physician, he so badly wants me to reduce. But, as a fellow believer, he has no
idea how we could choose which ones to terminate. Dr. B says he will take the
very best care of me and the babies that he can. We trust and love him.
7. God's number for perfection and completion. There
are just no words that can explain this phenomenon.
We feel so small, so unworthy, so blessed to be a part
of this miracle. We don't know what tomorrow holds, so we trust God for today.
No matter how many of these babies make their way to this earth, we are forever
thankful to God for making us the parents of 9 total children.
My initial reaction to the news of a possible 6
brought me face down to the Word. All I could first utter was the prayer of
Mary when the Angel told her she was with child: the Magnificat.
My soul
magnifies the Lord, and my spirit
rejoices in God my Savior, for he has
looked on the humble estate of his servant. For behold, from now on all
generations will call me blessed; for
he who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is his name. And his mercy is for those who fear
him from generation to generation.
Luke 1:46-50
God has used the past year and a half to prepare us
for this. No, God has used our entire lives to prepare us for this. Our
consciences are clear and our hearts are pure...all because the precious blood
of Jesus Christ covers us. For some reason, God has chosen unworthy, weak,
small, and so imperfect us to show, declare, and magnify His Glory through this
magnificent story. This is HIS story - not ours - and we are prepared to have
an answer for the true faith that we profess. I would be lying if I said that
fear never gripped us. We are fallen creatures who tremble at the battle that
lies ahead. But when we depart our flesh and live in the Spirit, we hear,
believe, and proclaim:
With man this
is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God.
Mark 10:27
Look not to
the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that
are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:18
For I know
the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for
evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11
Jeremiah 29:11
Peace I leave
with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let
not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.
John 14:27
Fear not, for
I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I
will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10
Little children,
you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than
he who is in the world.
1 John 4:4
The Lord's
lovingkindnesses indeed never cease. For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is
Your faithfulness. “The LORD is my
portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I have hope in Him.” The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who
seeks Him.
Lamentations 3:23-25
For the LORD
God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does
he withhold from those who walk uprightly.
Psalm 84:11
Have I not
commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be
dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”
Joshua 1:9
...seek first
his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as
well. Therefore do not worry about
tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of
its own.
Matthew 6:33-34
...may [you]
know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his
glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of
his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might
that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead...
Ephesians 1:18-20
We must depend on God, His true character, and His
promises now, more than ever. Oh, how sweet it is to yearn for Him with
real cries and real tears. This is the prize. This has always been the prize.
Our prayers have not changed one bit from infertility to now. This is all for
His Glory. The universe exists only for God's Glory!
We assure you of this, friends, family, supporters,
and critics alike, we will harness EVERYTHING that God has given us: all of the
abilities, knowledge, talents, and disciplines that we have acquired, by God's
grace alone, through all of our life experiences thus far, to battle, fight,
claw, scratch, and groan our way to bring these children to this earth,
healthy. But in the end, it ALL depends on God.
Please, if you will pray, please pray this simple
prayer for us and for every story:
Our Father in
heaven,
Hallowed be
Your Name,
Your
Kingdom come, Your will be done...
Matthew 6:9-10